For the one person that actually reads this blog (AKA my mom), you can sleep soundly. I have not died. I have just not really had the time/interest/patience for blogging over the past few months. For a while, I had this sort of superstitious/OCD thing where I would have to update my blog at least once a month. This year, I couldn’t even do that. I’m embarrassed to say that my New Year’s resolutions are still completely visible on the main page of this blog. So, because people have had to stare at those for the last five months, let’s just start with those.
I’ve actually done amazingly well with my resolutions so far, at least with the ones that matter most to me. First off, I did get my bike fixed and I did ride it! In fact, I’ve been riding it to and from work every day. Check that off my list of things to do! I also purchased a point-and-shoot camera, something I’ve been wanting to do ever since my old one broke nearly three years ago. I used to take SO many photographs, but that’s just so difficult to do when you have to carry around an enormous DSLR with you everywhere you go. My new Canon G11 is much better for that.
I’ve been making much more conscious attempts to give myself some relaxation time. Sometimes, this can hinder at my ability to do school work, because any time I relax is also simultaneously procrastination time. But still. It’s progress.
I’ve been cooking! A little bit. I am sadly not gifted at all in the kitchen, but fortunately for me, I live with somebody who is (Shannon!). From time to time, I will buy food for both Shannon and myself and she will cook it for both of us. Through this process, I’ve been able to learn to cook. Like one thing. But, still. Again, progress.
Out of all of my resolutions for this year, though, the most important thing to me has been changing my problem with focusing and paying attention. And so far, I’ve been extremely active in trying to change this. At the beginning of the year, I started seeing a therapist, something I’ve continued to do on a weekly basis. I’ve also started to see a psychiatrist. Up until this point, I’d been a bit hesitant about taking medication. First off, because drugs in general just terrify me. Secondly, I’m terrified of doctors and getting the labwork required for medication would require me to see one. Thirdly, I just wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to change. Luckily, I got over all of these things.
Through working with both my therapist and psychiatrist, I (we) have come to the conclusion that a lot of my difficulty focusing stems from my obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety problems. Trust me, it’s really difficult to sit down and read a book when you have the nagging urge to reread the same page over and over again. Or clean your entire apartment instead.
I’m not going to say that I’m one-hundred percent better, but since I started taking the medication and working with my therapist, I’ve been feeling a lot more calm. I’m also worrying a lot less. I still have anxiety, but it has overall been significantly diminished. I’m still having trouble focusing and being completely lucid, but I feel like I’ve at least started to make a change. And that’s important.
My summer break started last week and it’s been kind of bitter sweet. I’m so happy that I am finally done with all of the projects and papers that had been piling up the entire semester. Still, I really enjoyed all of my classes this year and I’m sad that I won’t be able to continue going to them. Right now, I’m just letting my mind and body unwind a bit before I go home for June to take a French course to prepare for grad school. The entire grad school process (including applying and taking the GRE) has sort of been at the back of my mind until now. What with that and the six (OMG) classes I’m taking this fall, I’m really happy to have a break right now. Let’s hope I can keep up on this blogging thing now that I have (some) free time.
