November 2009

So, I got glasses.

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I’ve been wanting glasses for a super long time and recently, my eyesight got just slightly bad enough for me to get them! While I was at school this semester, I had my eye doctor order the glasses that I wanted so that they’d be ready for me when I came home for Thanksgiving. My mother, of course, loved them, but she’s my mother. I like them, too, but over the past few days, I’ve been getting some weird reactions to my new glasses and it’s making me kind of nervous.

When I walked into the room with my new glasses on, my father laughed and then told me that I looked like Clark Kent. And then he told me that they were kind of “mannerist.”

When my sister saw my glasses she rolled her eyes and said, “uggh. You’re such an artsy hipster” and then refused to talk to me while I was wearing them because “I can’t take you seriously with those on. They’re so queer.”

When my sister’s friend Lena stopped by her house, she asked me if they were real and when I told her that they indeed were, she responded, “You look like a rapist.”

A little bit later, my sister and Lena continued discussing my glasses and came to the conclusion that I not only look like a rapist, but an un-fun rapist that is trying way too hard to look smart but is actually really stupid.

My self esteem somewhat shattered from these reactions, I sent Shannon a camera phone picture of my new glasses to get her opinion. She said something along the lines of “I don’t know, you just look different. I’d have to get used to it. It’s not like you look BAD or anything.” Which, of course, is secret code for “you look butt ugly but I’m just too nice to say it.”

So basically, I’m a mannerist, Clark Kent, queer, artsy, hipster rapist who is not fun and thinks he looks really smart but is secretly retarded.

I really don’t think they’re that bad! I mean, I know that they look sliiiiightly pretentious and the whole Ray Ban wayfarer thing is both incredibly ubiquitous and kind of on its way out right now, but seriously. Are they really that bad? Let’s find out….

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An addition to my endless list of phobias.

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Ever since 2009 became The Year For Planes To Crash, I have become more and more terrified of flying. When I went home in February for my grandfather’s funeral, it was just days after the plane had gone down over Buffalo. When that flight landed, everybody on the plane started clapping, probably thankful that we didn’t meet the same fate.

After the Air France plane disappeared over the ocean a little later in the year, my paranoia regarding being in an airplane only escalated. Because, really, think about it. You are in a tiny little tube hurtling through the air at a million miles a second. There is no way you can get out and no way at all that you could possibly survive if you crashed. You are putting all of your trust into the experience of the pilot and the safety of the aircraft. That’s just terrifying.

When I went home again in June, I got so nervous every time the plane experienced any turbulence that I started praying in my head and bracing my body for impact. There was one moment, when the plane hit a particularly nasty bump and dipped quickly down for a moment, that I was almost certain that I was going to die.

Since then, I’ve been completely put off by flying. Prior to this year, flying was my transportation of choice. It’s quick, simple, and you get free food. Somebody once told me that the chances of dying in a car accident or a train collision are much higher than dying in a plane crash. Still, I feel that with the former two options, you at least have some chance of survival. This is why, when I booked my flight home for Thanksgiving, I started experiencing this dread, a feeling of impending doom, as if by clicking the “purchase” button for my flight, I had somehow sealed my fate: The Day That I Will Die.

My brain obviously needs a lot of help. I’m a worry wort to the extreme and I have a huge tendency to psyche myself out and blow things way out of proportion by obsessively thinking about them. This is why, when I only had a week left until my flight home, I had the sudden urge to look up things like lists of celebrities that have died in plane crashes.

On the way to the airport yesterday night, my nerves started freaking out even more. When I checked the time on my phone to make sure I was on time, it read “9:11.” A normal person would not think twice about this. I, on the other hand, was like, “OH HELL SHIT. THIS IS A SIGN. I’M TOTALLY GOING TO DIE.”

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It’s your last chance!

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The lovely people at The Washington Art Association have decided to extend my show up from the original end date of November 1 all the way up until this weekend! That means that you still have one more chance to hop on the Metro North or rent a Zip Car and get yourself to Connecticut for the weekend to see my show of photomontages! The scenery up there is beautiful this time of year so make a little day trip of it! And go look at some art! For more information about the show, check out the gallery’s website here.

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The Powder Room Lookbook Preview

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So, I did a lookbook photoshoot this past friday for a clothing line called “The Powder Room.” The line is designed by two Pratt fashion students, Meredith Robinson and Spencer Richardson. The shoot took place at 6pm, after I had been at work and in class the entire day. Still, the energy provided by Elaina (my wonderful assistant for the day), Carianne (our beautiful model), and everybody else involved was enough to keep me photographing for hours. I haven’t finished editing all of the photos yet, but I started playing around in photoshop and ended up with these images. The final photos will be in color and feature the clothing a bit more prominently, but these are a sneak peak.

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Every kid’s dream

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You know that when you were little you had fantasies about having an entire hotel room just for you and your friends to ransack and destroy. (No? Just me?) Well, with the help of the stylist Katie Gaffney (who I worked on this with), these three kids were able to realize a true childhood dream. Katie e-mailed me a few weeks back about a photoshoot she wanted to do at a hotel with her three cousins. She laid out the entire plan for me and I knew it was going to be a blast. It was really a treat to break away from the “okay, now look FIERCE” thing for a bit and just have some fun.

The kids were so great to work with. I think it’s been way too long since I’ve been around youngins, because I was absolutely shocked at how articulate and well-mannered these ones were. Like, what?? They can walk? And talk?? And boy could they ever. At one point, we decided to do a segment of the shoot in which they were making prank phone calls. Except that we wanted their expressions to be real, so we let them call people from our cellphone address books. They pretty much did the standard “is your refrigerator running” spiel, but it was hilarious nonetheless.

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Mr. Transfer McGee

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So, remember when I decided that Pratt wasn’t really the right school for me and I transferred to Brooklyn College and then to FIT for Photography? And remember when I figured out that FIT wasn’t all that great either so I transferred back to Brooklyn College for Art History? And then when I changed my major to Art? Well! Mr. Indecisive Tielman is at it again!

I’m back at Pratt. The school I was at to begin with. But it doesn’t stop there. When I transferred back to Pratt, I went back as a Photography major. This seemed to make the most sense, because that’s my ultimate career goal. I’d like to be a photographer. However, once I started taking Photography classes again, I decided that, hmmmm, maybe this isn’t quite for me and, I don’t know, maybe I should change majors again. So, I changed my major to Art History, something that, despite my career goals, I enjoy studying much more. I’m weird like that.

Alright. Let’s get this straight. This is my fourth transfer. I’ve been at a different school for the past five semesters. And. On top of all of this, this is the fourth time that I’ve switched my major. Really. Count it.

First school: Pratt. Major: Photography.

Transfer one: Brooklyn College. Major: Undeclared.

Transfer two: FIT. Major: Photography.

Transfer three: Brooklyn College again! Major: Art History. Then Art!

Transfer four: Pratt! Major: Photography. Then Art History!

What, you may ask, is wrong with me? I don’t know, I will respond, but I think this is all the evidence you need to see that I’m absolutely insane.

My reasoning behind switching majors makes sense to me, given that I plan on going to grad school for some form of Art History, but that still doesn’t explain my Sarah Palin-esque inability to stay in one place. I know that I’ve made the right decision with all of this, because as soon as I left Pratt, I immediately wanted to go back. The fact that I hadn’t tried out anything else, like the significantly less expensive tuitions at FIT and Brooklyn College, was what forced me to consider other options.

I think that I am finally in a place where I can finally just sit back and relax. And I mean that in strictly the transferring sense. [We'll see how long that lasts.] I’ve been so out of my mind busy with schoolwork this entire semester that I have not had a single second to be calm. And I’m pretty sure my body gave itself the flu just to have a few days off.