January 2008
About two years too late.
It’s my last day in Buffalo before I head back, so there were some things that I needed to get out of the way. Like buying a train ticket for my eight-hour journey back to New York and submitting my absentee ballot for the Presidential primary. Although I’ve legally been able to vote for almost two years, I’m sad to say that up until this point in my life, I had yet to ever cast an actual vote. I hate to say that I was one of those statistical young people that failed to vote, but it’s the truth. Although everybody really should get out and vote, I kind of understand now why so many young people fresh into college don’t. For me, my parents never got around to mailing me my absentee ballot. Two years in a row.
Needless to say, the first vote I ever cast was a big one. I spent much of the morning watching YouTube videos of the candidates’ various speeches and interviews. It’s really difficult to make a concrete decision about a candidate when every single piece of political propaganda they put out is so obviously edited death for maximum effect. Every video opened with shots of various audience members, usually babies or young children, followed by a speech about how the country needs change and how so-and-so is the one to do it. Many of these videos have a soundtrack of folky acoustic guitar music playing in the background, presumably to make the speech more moving.
I really hate it that I am this way, but I am way to susceptible to good advertising. And at the end of the day, each candidate had won me over in their own way. How am I supposed to know who to vote for if all of the candidates are trying really hard to be likable? They all seem like nice people. They all seem to have their heads in the right places. Let’s just elect all of them!
In a way, I think that this is a very dangerous time to be running for president. Because of people like me who get caught up way too easily in gossip, sensationalism, and novelties that cloud our judgement. Our culture right now is a very angry one. I’m not sure if it was this way like fifteen or twenty years ago, but I think people today tend to be kind of nasty. Just look at the popularity of online gossip rags right now. Celebrities no longer have any respect or even the mystique that they used to have. Not that Hollywood and politics are exactly equatable, but there are similarities in the way people regard celebrities and political figures. We all take sides way too quickly, we’re too stubborn about who we support, and our acidic harsh words can often be uneducated and undeserved. Perhaps politics has become too pop-cultural or perhaps pop culture has become too political. Or maybe I compare pop culture to EVERYTHING because it’s all I know how to do.
Anyway. I was so nervous when my father and I went to the board of elections today that I was shaking. I pleaded with my father to just let me take the ballot home because I didn’t think I was ready to make an educated decision about who to vote for. I told him that if I made a decision then and there, it would probably be completely impulsive. He told me that that’s how a lot of people end up voting and it was better to just get it over with because I’d probably just procrastinate anyway. He had a point. I filled out a form and a minute or two later I had a pen and an absentee ballot in my hands. I went up to one of the little cardboard cubicles they had set up on the counter and leaned inside of it for several minutes. I ended up making a decision after a lot of thought, folded up the form, and sealed it inside of an envelope. My first vote!
Back in Buffalo….
My winter break is more than a month long, but I originally planned to stay in Buffalo for just two weeks. I figured that because I just got an apartment and because I haven’t really been in New York during non-school times, it might be an excellent opportunity to explore and have some Me-And-New-York time. Like many ideas, this one turned out to be slightly more romantic when I imagined it in my head. In reality, I ended up sitting around my apartment all day with nothing to do and praying that I’d eventually be tired enough to just go to bed. With nobody back to school yet and the days a little too short for my liking, my motivation for exploration was kind of low. When my mother mentioned that she wanted me to come back to Buffalo to take some pictures of endangered churches, I jumped at the opportunity. Russell and Tom visited me towards the end of last week and were nice enough to bring me back to Buffalo with them.
I don’t want to get all sentimental and Chris-Daughtry-esque, but being home is definitely one of the best feelings in the world. I can visit for such a short amount of time that I never get to experience the things that irritated me enough to leave in the first place. I just get to curl up and relax inside my little Buffalo-Bubble. When I’m at home, it’s as if time and real world evaporates and I’m safe and warm for as long as I want to be. I really like this version of the whole “home” concept, with it being a place to return to rather than a place to live all the time. It’s a nicer idea and it’s nice to think that if I’m ever feeling sad, there’s always someplace to go.
ANYWAY.
So, for the first few days or so, I’ve just been kind of slothy. Oversleeping and overeating, sitting in front of the computer for hours. If I do this for too long I start to feel dirty, but in moderation, it’s almost a cleansing experience. After a semester of not being able to sleep or eat properly because of being so freaked out all the time from deadlines for impossibly complex projects, a huge exhalation like that is really nice.
Yesterday afternoon and today, my mother and father both took me to the churches I came back to photograph. Recently, the Catholic Diocese in Buffalo closed several of its churches due to lack of money and now they’re in danger of being demolished. One of the depressing things about living in Buffalo is that because there is such little demand for land and so little money, a lot of really great things just end up getting torn down. It’s also really unfortunate (but nonetheless unsurprising) that most of these things are in Buffalo’s poorer neighborhoods. The first church that I photographed was located in the heart of Buffalo’s East Side, which for somebody unfamiliar with the city, kind of looks like an atomic bomb dropped on it. It consists of neighborhoods that, because of the ever-declining population of Buffalo and the increasing number of impoverished people, look kind of like ghost towns, remnants of the city’s busier past.
I feel kind of hypocritical at times when I’m visiting areas like that. As much as I’d like to see the East Side all fixed up and gentrified, its abandoned streets turned into beautiful neighborhoods, part of me wants it to remain the way it is. A kind of encased museum of a post-industrial age. Artistically, I find myself drawn to places like Buffalo’s East Side and industrial Downtown because of their dilapidated aesthetic. I often feature Buffalo’s less economically well-off neighborhoods in my photoshoots, reasoning that they have more “character” than your average city street. Still, I feel kind of guilty thinking this way and I wonder if there is any way of preserving Buffalo’s industrial heritage and almost “cool” low-grade look while still improving the quality of life for its inhabitants. On top of that, I wonder how many people like me there actually are out there who find Buffalo’s industrial-chic kind of beautiful rather than one big eye-sore. Granted, not a lot of these places were actually built to be beautiful. I always find it very depressing whenever architectural plans are released for Buffalo’s latest and greatest building. The sleek, modern glass buildings are often welcomed by people as “exactly what this city needs,” but I feel that things like that are slowly disintegrating our city’s identity and diluting our culture.
I’m not sure how I got from talking about churches to this, but I should probably backtrack a little bit. Today, my father took my out to churches in various neighborhoods of Buffalo including Black Rock and some I haven’t even been to before. Although I’m not an especially religious person, I did feel as if I was on some sort of Jihad or Crusade for the greater good. It’s so mind-boggling that people would even consider demolishing churches as beautiful as the ones we photographed today.
Since the early hours of this morning when I was awoken by howling winds throwing trash cans down my street, the weather has been nearly unbearable. It was about forty-five degrees outside today, but with the wind, it felt like negative ten. After photographing for a few hours in the freakish wind, my father and I went to Wegman’s for roast beef sandwiches before heading out to do more. Basically, I had a very, very Buffalo day.
Resolutions 2008!
1. Explore New York City more. For somebody that lives in Brooklyn, I know very little about it or any of the other boroughs. There are so many places that I have yet to visit and so many more streets that I need to get to know. It’s cold now, but when it gets warmer, I want to make it my job to explore.
2. Get a job. The post previous to this one pretty much says it all. I need money. Now.
3. Do more fun stuff! This kind of goes along with the first resolution except it’s a bit broader. Last semester, I was so buried in school work that I didn’t really have much time to get out and have fun. Even on the weekends. Most of my time was spent doing art and running around buying more art supplies. That’s great and all, but I want to do something else!
4. Cook/Bake more interesting things. I’ve fallen into the college making-ramen trap. Except that I don’t make ramen. It’s more like pasta and peanut butter and jelly every day. I need more variation in my diet. I want to go get some cook books and make actual food. And use my Kitchen-Aid mixer a little more often, too.
5. Network! In my fashion styling class last semester, we learned that one of the most important things about being in the fashion industry is networking. Sometimes who you know is more important than what you can do. I need to get to know people! And get some kind of internship!
6. Throw parties! Because I’ve been living in dorms the past year and a half, I haven’t really been able to throw amazing holiday parties like I used to. Now that I have an apartment, that’s kind of changed. I really miss party planning and decorating and baking. I want to kick off the year with an awesome party for Valentines Day!
7. Take more pictures of random stuff and bring my camera everywhere. I’ve noticed that lately, most of my photographs have been school/work related. That’s great and everything, but I kind of miss just taking my camera out and shooting just for the fun of it.
8. Take interesting classes. I love the whole art school thing, but there are times when the classes feel like they could be slightly more intellectually stimulating. Last semester, I’d have to say that my favorite class was probably art history, because it was one of the only academic classes I took. I like leaving class feeling as if my brain is about to explode from all the new information in it. I want to do that a lot more.
9. Experiment more with photography and photographic gadgets. I think I’ve done a lot of experimentation in the last year, but I really want to do more. I think I should get to know some different lighting techniques, use flashes a little more, etc.
10. Do more things that are free. Like going to the library. College has really drained me completely of money, so I really need to find ways of entertaining myself that do not involve money.
11. Have an awesome year!