I think this is probably the first Christmas ever in which I honestly didn’t care at all if I got anything or not. Maybe it means I’m growing up, but I think it just means that being a poor college student is starting to get to me. Before college started, I would toss my money away like it was garbage. Now, I try to avoid spending money as if my life depended on it. Every time I open up my wallet and pull out my debit card, I feel as if I’m handing over a piece of my soul. Once my bank balance goes below fifty dollars, I start to panic.
It’s probably because of this horrible side effect of college that now, whenever I’m in a store, I don’t want to buy anything. This might not seem like that big of a deal to some people, but for me, it’s monumental. I used to be a pretty firm believer in the power of shopping therapy. “I know I’ll be happy again if I spend all of my money as soon as possible.” Now, even grocery shopping feels more like a trip to the dentist than a trip to the therapist.
I got a $50 Visa giftcard from my Uncle, so I decided to go to Urban Outfitters with it. I was sure I could find some way to blow fifty dollars at that store. It turns out that even the I’m-paying-way-too-much-for-something-that-looks-like-it’s-from-the-salvation-army stuff at Urban Outfitters couldn’t seduce me. My response to pretty much everything I picked up was, “this is kind of cool. But do I need it? Nah. This could buy like three apples in New York.”
I really have to admit, it kind of scared me. I wonder if in another year, I’ll be one of those irritatingly thrifty guys that’s obsessed with cycling and only eats ramen soup and oatmeal. And doesn’t shower. I didn’t even want other people to spend money on me this Christmas. There were some things that I wanted, but to each of them I thought, “this is a little bit expensive. I don’t need it.” Right now, having money seems way cooler than having things. It’s kind of freaking me out.