I am all for the ignorance is bliss deal, really. I think that everybody, or I, at least, would be happier if we were just stupid apes that just lived their lives. That’s kind of an extreme example of the idea, though. I am not for ignorance, however, when the person who is ignorant actually thinks they know what they’re talking about when it comes to the subject that they’re discussing. That was a long sentence.
I also hate it when people refuse to become unenlightened about things that they should so obviously be enlightened about by now. Like the internet. And Harry Potter. Just the other day I was urging my parents to “hop on the bandwagon already!” and start reading Harry Potter. I am quite sick of my father saying “I think that Harry and Hermione are going to get together” when his only exposure to things Harry Potter comes from the three movies. It also just annoys me that my parents haven’t even attempted to open a Harry Potter book just for the reason that it’s kind of a big deal in the world right now and you know, they could seem stupid if one of their friends brings up Harry Potter and they have no idea what the person is talking about….
But that isn’t all that annoys me. I am sure this is at least the five billionth time that I have mentioned my grandfather’s complete lack of knowledge when it comes to everything computery, but oh, I am going to mention it again. This morning, I was once again subject to my grandfather’s never-ending requests for me to find things on the internet for him. His requests are usually money-related, some examples being the salaries of all of the New York Yankees players, the value of silver on a particular day, and the exact value of this bean pot he has somewhere around his house. Today was no different.
He brought over this little glass ashtray which he pulled out of his pocket when I came into the room. “Max? Can you come over here for a moment? I want you to look this up on the internet for me.” I tell him that I’ll try but even before he tells me what he wants to find, I always know that I will most likely never be able to find it. This is because my grandfather’s idea of what the internet is is very, very different from what the internet actually is. He seems to imagine the internet as a very large directory made up of lengthy menus arranged somewhat like an encyclopedia. This is obvious in the tips that he himself has given me as to how to navigate through the internet. “Okay. First you go under antiques. Then once you’re in antiques, go to glassware. Then go under glass ashtrays.” Ah, yes. So simple.
I honestly blame all of my grandpa’s thinking on the way the internet is portrayed in the media. Like everything wrong in this world, it is the media’s fault! Just look at every TV show and movie when somebody meets somebody that they don’t trust. “Don’t worry, I’ve googled them. They used to live in Alaska but now they work in a bakery in…. Egypt.” See? Finding stuff on the internet is SO EASY! Anybody can find a person’s entire life history at the click of a button! It’s completely legal! Yes!!!!
Remember when the internet just started to become popular? Everybody was freaking out about it so much. “Holy crap! I can go to the mall! IN MY UNDERWEAR!” It is excitement like this, combined with lack of internet experience, that I believe gives my grandfather this totally wrong idea about the whole computer thing.
It might also be all of the fear and mystery that surrounded the internet in its early days. That might be why my grandfather thinks that I’m some sort of underground internet hacker who could easily find out such things as people’s passwords and hack into government computers. It might also be why my mother won’t even let me purchase things on Amazon for fear that her credit card number will be stolen and we will be charged millions of dollars for items that we didn’t buy.
I know that the saying is that old dogs can’t learn new tricks. But they really should. My mother should read Harry Potter. My father should learn to swim. And my grandfather should learn about the internet before he asks me to find out the value of a very specific looking dish that he has in his house somewhere. “No, that’s not it,” he says while I show him various pages on eBay. “Mine has handles.” I try to tell him that the chances of actually finding his dish are very slim, but he remains looking intently at the computer screen even after I close the browser window and leave the room. Staring at the pictures of our family vacation that were behind the browser window, he tells me that “this can’t be right. This menu is just of sea-side real estate.” Or something like that.
Okay. I am now kind of feeling bad that I compared my family members to dogs and that this entry is much longer than it should be considering that it’s just restating things that previous entries have said. And that my sentences are way too long. And that I use the word “and” at the beginning of my sentences. My english teacher would cringe. And that I’ve kind of changed the idea of this post ten times since I started writing it. So I’ll stop writing it. Now.