September 2004

Warning: lots of talk about vomit ahead.

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Yesterday was a pretty rough day. My allergies for some reason were TERRIBLE. Advanced Algebra was the worst. My nose was running so hard that little specks of blood were coming out on the soaked tissues. I was hot and I could tell me face was bright red. The funny thing is that when I left the classroom, my nose cleared up instantaneously. Like, poof! All clear. I went to the bathroom, came back, and once again, poof! The stuffiness was back. Maybe it’s because I’m both allergic to the dirty air in our stuffy classrooms and the outrageous number of kids in the classroom made me nervous. It was horrible. I was thinking of going home sick, but I figured that I had two study halls later in the day and I didn’t want to start the year off with an absence.

After school, I got a haircut and then my mother and I went to the park with my sister and her friends to go jogging. Unfortunately, I forgot to wear sneakers and wore clogs instead. I started out well, but after about five minutes, my mother, my sister, and my sister’s friends were far ahead of me, leaving me walking hunched over with cramps in my chest. I decided to take the easy way to the end by cutting through the middle of the park’s golf course to the other side of the circular path. Even then, my sister was still ahead of me. By that time, I was totally beat and exhausted. Maybe this whole thing sort of lowered my immunity for a little bit, because afterwards, I started to feel sick.

Not that I didn’t feel kind of bad already. Since the previous day or so, I’d been feeling sick after eating. Last night, though, it was worse. I thought that I was still hungry, so I even ate some oatmeal before going to bed.

At about 3:00 in the morning, I woke up having a sort of awake dream involving Sarah Jessica Parker teaching me and the whole cast of Sex And The City some sort of lesson, I forget what about. Along with the strange awake dream, I had a horrible, horrible stomach ache that caused me to cry out every thirty seconds or so. I eventually called my mother into my room so she could get me a cup to put my expanders in. –Just so you know, I sleep in a loft bed, so it’s harder to get out of bed, especially when one is feeling that sick.– I didn’t want to throw up all over the place with my expanders on!

Suddenly, I got that horrible taste in my mouth that you get when you’re about to throw up. The spitty, salty taste. I dashed to the bathroom and threw up violently into the toilet. It was HORRIBLE! Since I don’t remember how the last time I threw up before this felt, I can say that this may have been my worst throw up experience EVER. Not only did it come spurting out of my mouth and into the toilet with disgusting plopping sounds, but it also got into my nose and the stomach acid burned my throat. It hurt SO much! It hurt to swallow!

From then until about five in the morning, I didn’t get much sleep and I threw up two more times. The second one was a little better, but it hurt since nothing was really left in my tummy. The third time, I had eaten a banana to fill up my stomach and taken some pepto-bismol to cut down the acidity, so it wasn’t as bad.

Obviously, I stayed home today. Figures. I start becoming interested in getting perfect attendance and then I get the stomach flu or something.

Relax, Max

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I need to chill out. I need a chill pill. School this year is turning me into a nervous, obsessive compulsive, socially anxious wreck. Today in physics, my teacher was going over the answers to a homework sheet we had had a few days ago. She’s a really nice person, she is, but her accent (Romanian?) sort of turns into a drone after a while and a start to drift off into day-dreamland. I didn’t understand that there was an order to the way people were being called on to answer the questions. I guess there was. The teacher called out “13….. 13? Um…. number 13?” a few times before I realized that I was supposed to read number 13. The usual adrenaline rush and reddening of the face that happens when I’m called on followed. “Two point four three times ten to the 8th power?” I asked, my voice shaking. My teacher looked at me with a look that sort of said, “huh?” And then “oooh! I get what you did wrong. You did [what she thought I did which is nowhere near what I did]. Am I right?” I pretended to know what she was talking about and just nodded. As I looked down at my paper, I realized that not only had I gotten the question horrifyingly wrong, all I had really done was copy one side of the equation into the answer blank. Let’s say that the equation was 3+2. In the answer blank, I wrote 2. What the heck? My brain has not been functioning properly lately. I’m wondering if it’s brain damage from banging my head against the door too many times when I was younger.

Maybe it was the distracting study hall I had yesterday. It was seventh period and there were a few more people than usual in the study hall room than usual, probably because of schedule changes. Anyway, the room was pretty noisy, and that was bad enough. To make it worse, though, every time the room got too loud, the attendant watching us would make an extremely loud and high pitched whistling sound that would make me head jerk up violently and my adrenal glands go absolutely insane. Once was bad enough, but the attendant went on to do it about three more times, none less surprising than the last. All the while, I was trying to complete my physics homework.

I can’t tell whether by the end of the school day I’m extremely jittery or dead tired. True, my mind is complete mush by then and almost completely disconnected from the external word, but everything also gets me very worked up, too. After my wrong answer in physics, I spent the rest of the school day with a three period long adrenaline rush, fidgeting and drawing elaborate borders around my paper in literature class. And now I’m exhausted. So good night.

Dirty little phone.

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Bophone

Okay. They’re advertising this phone as high-tech, super-designed, ergonomic, etc. Are they really expecting this phone to sell? It looks more like a giant golden penis rather than a phone. And then there’s the fact that one of the words in the company’s name is “bang” and that the way their logo is arranged, it looks like the company is called “BO.”

Things That I Don’t Like In No Particular Order #2

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11) When people chew their food too loudly or swallow coffee too loudly…. I don’t mind when I do it, but I CAN’T STAND when other people do it.

12) When people suck up their snot into the back of their noses instead of just blowing it out. It’s one of the worst sounds in the world, right there next to the dentist’s drill and my sister’s screaming. Come on, people, it’s called a TISSUE.

13) When people spit phlegm onto the sidewalk….. or just spit phlegm at all. If you have to do it, please, excuse yourself to the bathroom and do it into a tissue. – The huge globs of phlegm that are often on sidewalks outside of bars REALLY gross me out.

14) When people let their appearances look terrible when the problems with their appearances are easily fixable. Even though we’re supposed to like people no matter how they look, I just can’t help being annoyed when people do absolutely nothing at all to fix themselves or look presentable.

15) When people only listen to pop music. I have nothing against pop music. Really. I used to, when I was in like the sixth grade and was in sort of a pseudo-intellectual pop-music-is-evil-and-all-I-drink-is-Frappuccinos phase, but now I really don’t mind pop music. I like it a lot. BUT. But, when people ONLY listen to pop music –although I might be judging them incorrecty– I often get the idea that they’re very shallow and only do what’s popular. I also don’t like it when people only listen to loud pop music when the mood of where you are obviously calls for more calm and relaxing music.

16) That Atkins Diet. Okay- so if you stop eating bread and you eat nothing but meat, you lose weight! Woop-dee-doo! This diet seems like a poor excuse for people who are too lazy to exercise, plus it clogs your arteries! AND it causes everybody to use the word CARBS. (See the first number on Things I Don’t Like In No Particular Order #1.)

17) When there are CONDOMS on the SIDEWALK. Ew, just EWWWW. Are people really THAT thick? And rude? Come on, the POINT of wearing condoms is to be SANITARY. And that’s not very sanitary! Oh, yeah, and thanks for leaving them all over the field where I have to have gym class! I just love doing those pushups when I know there could be condoms on the ground!

18) Urinals. I’m not against the actual urinals, I’m just against the way they’re set up. Does anybody else think that’s it’s kind of gross when people PEE in front of each other? The inventor of the urinal, or at least whoever designed the bathroom, must be a pervert.

19) When people say that they only reason they’re eating the school lunch is because they’re super hungry. Come on, people, I know you want it.

20) People who hate kids. Now, I might not be a fan of younger (about ages 2-8) children, but I don’t SHOW it. I can’t stand it when I’m looked down upon by certain adults. What did I ever do to you?

Creepy

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Okay. So, last night, I decided to take a break from sleeping on the pull out mattress in my sister’s room. Since the end of summer, she’s been having me sleep in there because sleeping in a room by herself scares her….. or something. So, I went to bed in my own bed last night. At about 3:45 at night (I know because I checked), my sister started shouting, “MA-AX! MA-AX!” I presumed that she had a nightmare or couldn’t sleep, so I pulled myself and my blankets noisily out of my loft bed with shouts of “I’m coming! I’m coming!” I went into my sister’s room, threw my blankets onto the floor, went back to my room to get a fan and the alarm clock, and then layed down on the mattress on the floor.

So, there I was, trying to get to sleep (la-la-la-la-la), then. –What was that? A noise? From downstairs? Huh. Sounds like footsteps. Oh well. I didn’t really take much notice to it as I’d often heard noises that I thougth were people in my house when I was younger. I thought I was just being my normal extremely-paranoid-sleeps-with-a-baseball-bat self. So, yeah, I drifted off to sleep.

At breakfast this morning, my sister and I were discussing her inability to sleep by herself when she said that the reason she had shouted my name in the first place was not because she wanted me to come into her room, but because she thought she saw me standing in her doorway. She said that she had heard somebody, presumably me, russtle the little plastic curtain in her doorway. She said she saw somebody with a button down shirt standing halfway through the doorway with plastic curtain partway on them. She thought it was me, so she began to shout my name. That’s when I noisily got out of my loft bed with my blanket and pillows shouting “I’m coming! I’m coming!” I didn’t really take it as much before, but the hallway door to our upstairs which is usually shut at night was open. Perhaps there was some strange man in our house last night? Maybe that’s why I thought I heard footsteps last night? Maybe the shouting of both my sister and I scared him off! Who knows what would have happened if my sister didn’t wake up! [Begin humming the theme to the twilight zone now.]

My parents took it as nothing. They say that it was just me being paranoid and my sister hallucinating…. or something like that. But….. what IF there really was somebody in our house last night? What if they NEVER left the house and are just hiding out in the basement or the attic waiting for me to come home from school? What if—-? Well, I’m creeped out.

–On another note, my site looks terrible on Internet Explorer for mac os 9. If you are using Internet Explorer for mac os 9, throw your computer out of the window and, please, BUY A NEW ONE.

Awagies.

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I think I’m allergic to school. Really. It could be our rugs. Or the chalk dust. Or the people. Maybe I’m allergic to people! That’d be interesting. — The point is, I’m allergic. To something. My allergies usually start middle to late August and last until the end of October. They include itchy eyes and a really, really runny and stuffy nose. During the back-to-school shift, though, my allergies change from everywhere allergies to only-at-school-and-while-you’re-trying-to-get-to-sleep allergies. And those aren’t fun.

This certain type of allergy, the only-at-school-and-while-you’re-trying-to-get-to-sleep allergy is a very tricky one. After taking a claratin and two sudafeds (please, if I’m not supposed to mix those two, somebody tell me), they still will not stop. At least not at school. It’s like as soon as I walk into the school building, my body is like, Whoa, nope! Claratin and sudafed aren’t usable currency here! and my nose commences in being un-breath-through-able and constantly and horrifyingly runny. By the end of second period, my little bundle of tissues is soaked completely through. I carry tissues everywhere through school. If it weren’t for my always spiked up hair, tissues would probably be my trademark thingy. Tissues and spiky hair. That’s me!

What the heck is wrong with me?

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I know that I’m a little obsessively clean. In school, I daydream about cleaning and decorating. I wonder, though, if normally clean people could survive in my house without going absolutely insane. –My house seems alright to my father, but….. he’s my father. I went into his nasty, cluttered, little office today to start his printer jobs since the printer sharing wasn’t working and I discovered that his keyboard was a horrible, horrible, horrible mess. The keys on his keyboard look like the toes of somebody who seriously needs to visit a pediatrist. There’s dirt, hair, coffee, stickiness, sweat, and oil covering both the keyboard and the mouse. Poor, poor keyboard and mouse.

When I go around the house and see that after just a few days after being clean that it’s back to it’s cluttered, stuffy, papers everywhere, cramped state, it brings me to the point of tears. Would it be so hard for other people to contribute to not making the house a total mess most of the time? I mean, I JUST CLEANED THAT BATHROOM like a MONTH ago, and now there’re toothbrushes, toothpaste, glasses, molds, and other horrifying things EVERYWHERE!

My father basically thinks that my mother, my sister, and I are insane pshycho freaks for wanting the house to be the slightest bit cleaner, but that’s probably because of his empovrished childhood. I mean, for christmas his family didn’t even have a tree. They had a “tree” made out of a broomstick and green christmas lights hung on the wall in the shape of a tree. He didn’t even get presents one year. His mother gave him like a dollar to go up to the drug store to buy a COLORING BOOK. I can understand why he thinks we’re such spoiled, neat-freak consumers, but his incredible uncleanliness does pick on my last nerves.

With winter -OH GOSH, winter- coming, there’s no doubt that the situation is probably going to get worse. With the added cabin fever and snow on the floor getting my SOCKS WET, it’s going to take a dump truck of chocolate to help me get through.

Blur

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Autumn has come so quickely, it’s almost a surprise. The whole summer season has gone by so quickely. I remember when the leaves started budding on the treest this spring as if it had happened just last week. Why does everything have to go by so quickely?

When you’re five years old, your entire life seems like an eternity. When you’re my age, five years is hardly anything. –And I’m not even old. Does it get worse? Does time go by faster every second you get older? I remember watching movies where old guys would sigh and go, “it’s like a blink of an eye.” I just took that as some sort of corny saying, I didn’t think it was actually true, and if I did, I didn’t really get it.

I guess when you’re little, little things seem pretty big. Years seem like forever, five dollars and you’re the luckiest kid on earth. Right now, I’m still scratching my head wondering where the past two years have gone. It’s actually terrifying me that I’m going to be a senior in high school next year. A SENIOR. It makes me want to tear my hair out and run screaming up the street. How? When? When did I suddenly get so old? And OH GOSH. What am I going to be saying when I’m turning fourty? What then? I’m not even seventeen yet and I’m longing to be young again!

Everything lately has just been a blur. A blur of classes, exams, mornings, nights, nothing really stands out, they just sort of blend together into nothing. Is that what I’m going to see when I look back at my life? A blur of nothing?

I wish the seasons would stop changing so quickely. I wish the world would just slow down.

Let’s Write On Eachother!

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So, today the juniors and sophmores had their class meetings at the same time in the auditorium. It was basically the usual bashing us in the head about school rules, dress code, bullying, the little speach about taddling from our crotchety (just wanted to use that word in a sentence) principal….

There was one thing that was spoken about that was pretty funny, though. One of our assistant principals was talking about the famous high school inititiation day, “freshman friday.” I was never bothered on my freshman friday, but I think that’s because everybody just thought I was in the sixth grade.

You know those teachers or principals— or people like that— who seem so absolutely clueless about what they’re saying and how it’s actually very hilarious? Like they never were actually children, they just walked out of their mother’s birth canal as clueless old teachers? The kind of people who have absolutely no idea that a side of their dress is riding half way up their leg and that there’s chalk dust all over their clothes? Yeah– that’s the kind of person our assistant principal is. Here’s basically how her little speach thingy went:

“I’ve seen many ninth graders walking around school today with writing all over them.” [Students chuckle softly.] “And I’m sure that none of you guys did this, but I’m just saying…. This isn’t a nice way to treat people younger than you. Some of the freshman might want to be written on because they think it’s cool.….” [Laughing from students.] “….I had a girl come into my office this morning in tears because she had writing all over her….. And you know, some people are allergic to these markers, espcially the perminant ones. Last year, a girl came into my office with marker on her face and her face was just blown up! So please don’t write on anybody, it’s not nice. There are kids who don’t want it done to them. And for kids who do want it done to themselves, DON’T DO IT. If you guys want to draw on eachother, wait until you get home and then draw on eachother!” [Huge burst of laughing from students.]

Meeting Ani

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meetingani

So, the picture above is of my friend Russell, my sister, and I meeting Ani Difranco after one of her shows. The reason I uploaded it is because the frame it was in broke and I didn’t want it to get completely damaged….. so I digitized it!

I think it was June 8th-ish 2000. We had free tickets to Ani Difranco’s concert, courtesy of her manager who my father used to work with. Inside the ticket envelope were four shiny green backstage passes. My friend and I ran around the whole concert hall singing “we have backstage paaaassssessssss! We have backstage paaaasssssesssss!” Now that I think about it, it was probably quite rude that we did that, but at the time it was SO MUCH FUN! The Ani fan sitting either in front of us or behind us seemed a little jealous and we got into a sort of comparison argument about how much cool Ani stuff we had.